Naruto's Big Secret
by megelert3
Summary: Sasuke's tired of always having to pay for Naruto's ramen when he leaves in a hurry. what does he come up with to get back at the blonde ninja? Rated K for some bad language.


OK, this is my first try at humor, so I'm sorry if it isn't really that good, but bear with me! It's also my first Naruto fanfic! YAY ME! Yeah, I'm very random at times. So, yep. Thanks for reading! And just to point this out, I'm not very good with Japanese, so sorry if get a word, or something wrong. Please point it out if you notice something, and thank you again! Also, yep, that's my line that I use to separate stuff!!

**Edwardelricrulesedwardelricrulesedwardelricrulesedwardelricrulesedwardelricrules**

One quiet day in Konoha, Naruto was sitting in his favorite restaurant, eating Seaweed Chicken and Ramen. The steam from the piping hot bowl rose up into the already humid air, singeing the ceiling above. Naruto stuffed his face, already on his fifth bowl of food, as the shopkeeper beamed at his best customer.

"Naruto, slow down! You'll choke, and that wouldn't be good for business!"

"Don't worry!" Naruto said with his infamous smile, "I'm going to be the 6th Hokage one day, and I'm not going to die of something lame, like choking on my ramen! BELIEVE IT!"

"Okay! Okay! I was just ki—"

They were rudely interrupted by a certain Sasuke Uchiha, who had just walked in, an aloof smirk on his face.

"Hey, Naruto, Kakashi sensei wanted me to tell you something."

"What, Sasuke? Can't you tell that I'm a bit busy right now!?!"

"You mean stuffing your loser face? Yeah, I can tell, but sensei wanted all of us, right away. I think it's a new mission."

"A mission? YEAH! What are you waiting for, LET'S GO!!!" With that, Naruto raced out of the shop, a speedy blur in the peaceful streets. Sasuke heard his maniacal laughter, frowned, and then narrowed his eyes to snakelike slits.

"That bastard," he murmured to himself, "He left me with the bill!" He, reluctantly, paid the shop owner, frowning even more when he saw the bill. "What sort of person can eat five bowls of ramen? Damn him!"

"Arigatou, and come back soon!" the shopkeeper cried out as Sasuke calmly walked out the door, hands in his pockets. He was already plotting revenge on the clueless, blonde boy. His lips curled into a twisted smile as a great idea came to mind.

Ha! That dobe won't even know what hit him!

————LOL! ————

A few days after Team 7 returned from the mission (which had been to find some gold earrings that someone had dropped in the woods- LAME!!!), Naruto was taking a nap under a tree. His snores were disturbing a couple of birds that were nesting in the higher branches of the same tree when, suddenly, he awoke with a start. His clear, blue eyes were startled because he had sensed someone else's presence.

"Who's there? Show yourself, or I'll... I'll kill you! Yeah, I'll kill you!" he said, still a bit drowsy from his midday nap, and a kunai knife clenched in his hands.

"Shut up, dobe. It's just me," replied Sasuke, walking out from behind a tree. He gave Naruto a skeptical look before walking up to him.

"Sasuke! What, is it another mission?" asked Naruto, his eagerness pouring out of his ears, though they hadn't gone on an interesting mission since, well, forever.

"No. Kakashi sensei just told us something about you, and I thought that you should know about it, too."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, Naruto, he told us your BIG secret..."

"What? He told you about _that_? But... but why?"

"Will you just shut up and let me explain? He told us not to tell you, but it's sort of important, so—"

"TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!" screamed Naruto.

"...Dobe! Sensei told us who your father was! And, it's kind of sad..."

"What??? Wait, he knows who my _father_ is???"

"_Was_. Naruto, I'm sorry I have to break this to you, but you are your own father."

"..."

"Yeah, you will one day become the 6th Hokage, and then you will travel back in time to become the 4th Hokage, too. And before you seal... or sealed... or whatever, before you sealed the Kyuubi and died, you had a son. That turned out to be you."

"..."

"It's sort of hard to explain, and I'm sure your puny brain probably can't handle it, but I thought I should tell you, anyways."

"..."

"Wow, I didn't think this would leave you _speechless_! I've never heard _the_ Uzumaki Naruto _actually_ be quiet!" Sasuke smirked. This had been his plan from the very beginning.

"Sasuke, is there a reason for Naruto lying on the ground, dead?" said Kakashi sensei, who had just appeared on one of the branches of the tree. He had Icha Icha Paradise open, a skeptical look on his masked face.

"Kakashi sensei! No, he's not dead, just knocked out. I didn't expect you to be here. Well, I can explain, you see—"

"SASUKE! What did you do!!! You killed Naruto!" screamed a very confused and agitated Sakura. _Why did that dobe have to murder someone?!? Now we can't get married, 'cuz he'll be in jai PSHAAA!!!!l_, said Inner Sakura.

"Will everyone just shut up! I didn't kill him! I told him how he was—is his own father, and he sort of, well, fainted. That dobe couldn't handle it! It was just a joke, I swear!"

"You went and told him _what_, exactly??" said Kakashi, his angry face hovering inches above Sasuke's, his eye wide and red.

"All I said was that he would become the 6th, then travel back in time, become the 4th, and have a child, which turned out to be him."

At this statement, even Sakura, who was supposed to be smart, fell to her knees. She couldn't make heads or tails of what Sasuke had said. However, we all know that Kakashi is smarter than Sakura, so he understood completely. He burst out laughing, rolling around on the ground like a maniac. Sasuke watched on, at first surprised, and then slightly disgusted, since Kakashi usually acted more mature.

At the hysterical laughter, Naruto began to wake up. He contemplated what Sasuke had told him. '_So, I sealed that damn kyuubi inside... _myself_?'_ he thought, scratching his head, still not comprehending that it had all been a joke. Unfortunately, he didn't notice Kakashi sensei rolling closer and closer to him. With a burst of laughter, Kakashi accidentally rolled over poor Naruto, knocking him out yet again. He lay, twitching, on the mossy floor with stars circling around his head.

————LOL! ————

"Oh good! You're awake," smiled a overly sincere Kakashi.

Sasuke, with a tear drop(manga style), said, "Well, you were the one who rolled over him!"

Sakura looked from Kakashi sensei to Sasuke to Naruto, and back to Sasuke, not knowing exactly what to do.

"Huh?" asked Naruto, still dazed from being run over by a grown man.

"Dobe, you were out cold for over an hour. Now, you know what I told you before, right? Well, it was all a joke. I just wanted to get back at you for making me pay for your stupid ramen for like the hundredth time! You know, you eat like a monster!"

"..."

"Damn! Don't be so quiet! It creeps me out!"

"..." (Poor Naruto...)

Then, Naruto started giggling. It soon turned into maniacal, overenthusiastic laughter, like Kakashi had been doing before. Speaking of whom, he had also started laughing. Even Sakura, who didn't really understand what was going on, couldn't keep the laughter in. Only Sasuke was quiet, glaring at them all. How dare they laugh at me!

"Well, you can keep laughing your heads off, but I'm going! We still have work to do, remember! Hmph!" He said angrily, stomping away, leaving the rest of his team gasping for breath as they continued laughing.

Somewhere in the bushes, Kiba smirked. This is going to be great blackmail, he thought to himself, as he took the suspicious-looking tape from the video camera.

**Edwardelricrulesedwardelricrulesedwardelricrulesedwardelricrulesedwardelricrules**

Yo! How'd you guys like it? It's my first try at pure humor, so don't be too tough please!! LOL, actually, any comments would be appreciated!! Thanks for taking the time to read this! Arigatou-Gozaimasu!!!!(Hope I got that right!) LOVE YA!


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